dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
