operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
