She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
