My hair reeks of homosexuality.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Randomize
