When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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