I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
