best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Randomize
