dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
He did a backflip because drugs
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
