there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
We have started to decorate penises.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
