You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
