Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
