Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
