did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
