med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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