grandma shit on top of the toilet
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
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