the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
