my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
