clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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