u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
