Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Randomize
