the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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