I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
