How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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