Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
