I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
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