So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
