I want to have your abortion
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
