my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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