Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
