I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
