Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
