Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
