come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
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