I think scott just propositioned me for sex
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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