i wish starbucks made bloody marys
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
