sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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