I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Randomize
