I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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