i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Randomize
