I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
