You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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