Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
