My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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