Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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