dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize
