My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
