Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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