wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
