You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
