how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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