you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
