i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
