I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
