My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Randomize
